Sitting In The Suck….(Paynehurst)
Thirteen Pax, took the Daily Red Pill (DRP) this morning and got better.
The Pax: Colt, Josey, Peaches, T-Bone, Mad Bum, Napalm, Rafiki, CPT D, Rifleman, Squeegee, Chitwood, and Neo (Q Squirrel)
The Scene: Nice morning in the Gloom
WarmUp: SSH, Abe Vigoda’s (CPT D did his best Scout imitation), and trunk twists
The Thang: Diego (Dora the explorer’s cousin) – Similar to Dora 1, 2, 3 but just tougher. Pick a partner. Exercises are as follow:
- 50 Blockees – this is when Chitwood started complaining
- 100 ‘Merkins
- 150 Overhead press w/ block – this is when Chitwood said he hated Squirrel
- 200 LBC’s
- 250 Block Curls – this is when Chitwood called Squirrel some midwest-flavored bad name
- 300 Squats w/ Block – this is when Chitwood realized how good Squirrel was
* Extra credit given to those who finished all exercises – more Blockees and plank
While Pax1 is doing the exercise his partner (Pax2) is doing a lap around the AO.
Announcements/Prayer requests:
- Congrats to Squeegee on his new job…he gets to come to other workouts now!
- Prayers and traveling mercies for Flying Tomato, Mandela and MeatSweats as they journey in South Africa
- Welcome back to MadBum after his adventures skiing with the Bullpen
Squirrel led the men out in prayer.
MOLESKINE: Sitting in the Suck
My last Backblast was about Sympathy. This writing plays off that a bit. At least there’s a thread that weaves between the two.
I’ve listened to many a Pax at the end of a workout ask for prayer when things aren’t going so well. My uneducated guess at the “happy vs asking” percentages would be 30/70%. There’s just a lot of suck.
- Marriages going through the Flux or ending.
- Children struggling with making friends or grades or addiction or….
- Friends who were close have faded away. Maybe they are actually closing a chapter on your relationship and moving on.
- Illness, death, taking care of our parents.
- The list could fill pages.
As High Impact Men (HIM), when we are Living Right, we look for ways to be positive, to adapt and overcome, to Accelerate.
I believe our small band of brothers shares openly and talks about the experiences and negative emotions we are actually feeling (aka sitting in the suck). Could you say the same if you looked back pre-F3? What about if you look around at other men outside F3 or without a tight knit kinship?
Why is it that men (generalizing) won’t talk things out when they are in the suck? Maybe if we acknowledge the situation or talk about the issues, it makes them all the more real.
Sometimes circumnavigating the suck is what’s needed just so we can get through the really crappy moments.
After Lucas passed I sat in the suck of ‘what was.’ I was filled with emotions such as anger, disgust, fear and sadness. These emotions, for me, lead to feelings of shame, guilt, embarrassment, etc.
Let me split something out a little bit…as I understand it. Emotions are basic responses to a situation, which will often make us more vigilant to what’s going on around us. An example would be the “fight or flight” response. Emotions then can result in a physical affect on the body: altering our blood flow, heart rate, facial expressions, etc. Feelings are our response to the emotions. Another example; the saber tooth tiger jumps out of the cave. Initial emotion – Oh Shit! Next emotion – Run. You outrun the slowest Pax and he is eaten. The feeling that finally comes is sadness at the loss of your friend, or anger at the tiger, or guilt that you didn’t fight so you’d both be alive.
Situation – judgment – action.
No matter the situation (marriage, kids, family, friends) what has sitting in the suck looked like for me and maybe you?
- Maybe you blow up in anger and storm out of the house
- Maybe you collapse inward or lean on your M
- Maybe you drive to KFC to eat waaay too much fried chicken
- Or go to a buddy’s hose to binge watch some brian-numbing show
When I’m Living Right I’ll see the situation – pause – make a judgment – pause – then act. When I pause, whether seconds, minutes or days it works better. I deal with the emotions Right Then so they don’t come back to bite me in the ass later. You know, like when you just stuff it or ignore the problem? Dude, when you are walking the trail of life and smell something rotten under that rock or rug, you’d better turn it over and deal with it. Right then.
The point is to let yourself have the low moments. Maybe it’s not you (because it’s not always about you), maybe it’s your M or your friend or your parent. (This is where sympathy comes back in) No matter if it is you or them, you’re sitting in the suck.
Being with someone grieving can be, often is, uncomfortable for me. My dearest friends who have sat in the suck alongside me there weren’t a lot of words. And that’s a good thing to be quiet in the suck. Why? Because as men we say stupid things at the wrong time. Remember the pauses? Maybe make them a LOT longer before saying anything. Your buddy is going through issues and you want to say something profound for him to act on? DON’T. Just listen. Sympathize. You aren’t in his shoes so your counsel may wind up backfiring.
The trick is not to get stuck in the suck. Deal with the issue(s). This may take a while. Months, years maybe. The thing is, for me, I innately knew when I had dealt with the situation and then it was time to move the f*** on.
The situation you are or were in…is.
It just is.
Wishing it is otherwise doesn’t make it different.
Lean into your healthy coping strategies (not KFC) by practicing self care and love for yourself or sympathy for others. Maybe you have quiet time, journal, write a letter – then burn it, exercise, breathe, go for a hike, talk to your fellow Pax / your Shield Lock…don’t isolate.
Then, through wise counsel, make a plan. Sit on it. Think on it. Act on it.
I’ve been in the suck about 1,023,358 times in my life. I’ll be in the suck again. It’s life. My job is to learn, grow, and Accelerate.
If you’re in the suck, reach out…don’t sit in it alone.
Aye!